I thought it would be illuminating to share my own ghost stories with you, if you had shared my experiences I believe you too would be fascinated by our true spiritual nature and energetic form. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, your relationships and interactions with others are what count. When you do leave this life your impact on the life of others and their impact on you will be all that you are. Unconditional love of others and an acceptance of that fact is what will lift you to the light and propel you forward on your journey to the next step. My understanding of our true healing potential and energetic form started very early, I did for a short while put my early spiritual experience in a box marked ‘childish things’ and moved forward looking for more experience of such phenomena, I was never disappointed.
Let me start with the ghost that guarded a tithe barn, in the South east of England, an ancient barn which was used to hold the crops gathered for the Church of England as a tax or tithe. That barn had been converted into a home, each night two twin five year old boys tried to go to sleep in their downstairs bedroom and they would both become aware of the ghost of a guard as he walked his nightly patrol around the perimeter of the building between the river moat and the thick rag stone walls of the old barn. He was totally absorbed by his task, protecting the contents of the barn for the church had filled him with pride and purpose. A simple routine, an act done well becomes a meditation for someone lost in the moment. He had grown old and had been armed when he died in his sleep guarding the Tithe Barn. The change of energies during refurbishment by my parents’ builder in 1974 had risen him from his slumber. I was one of those twins, I used to hold my breath when he would silently stop and turn to look in to check on us. The first time I felt his intense presence as he stared in, I panicked, I naturally held my breath and I found that my keeping still would satisfy him that all was well and he would move on away from where we lay. My brother and I never discussed the ghost until one night, aged eight we camped outside in the space between the stone barn wall and the river mote. We talked about the guard because we were sleeping where he would be, I was relieved to discover that my brother was also aware of the ghost and his habit of stopping and turning to gaze in on us. That night the spirit passed our tent by and stopped outside our room repeating his nightly vidual. Looking back now as an adult I remember his checking up on us and remember feeling safe and cared for in a strange way. His attention was purely dutiful, he felt complete in his role as night watchman, he cared because he was good at what he did, and carrying on even after his body had given out was natural to him because now there was a young family to be guarded. His protection became as comforting as the sound of the river at night and his continued presence gradually melted into the background as we grew older.
Being an identical twin in my experience gave me a connection with my sibling which rendered language almost redundant, the bond was total. I felt what he felt, I knew when he was scared and vice versa. Two individuals as one, no need to explain or discuss. Things just were, that was until kindergarten and school came along. Then language was more important and being a pair and not an individual marked you out as different, the boys, the twins and the Roses became an issue for me. We were both sensitives, both sensitive to everyone, and everybody around us, the difference between what people felt and what they conveyed by both our classmates and our teachers sometimes became confusing. This was a private school of the 1970’s, a time when a child was seen and not heard, physical punishment and mental cruelty was unfortunately pretty standard. So I learnt to close down and as I did so I shut myself down to my twin brother.
Let me fast forward temporarily to a healing ghost story in my thirties, I am working as a healer for a client with throat cancer. On this particular day, as I drove to his home I had been inspired to ask for all my guides, all spirit, all light bearers, all ascended healing spirit to be a part of the process for the highest possible good of all. I worked every day with him, battling to get him into a state to let go and heal. We are working in his very old house built in 1452, in a large double room with a fire blazing in an inglenook fireplace. On that day as I moved my hands to his throat chakra, I sensed something shift in his energy field, I was about to say something to him, when he also spoke and at the same time an audible voice in the room some fifteen feet away from our position, asks in a male voice, a male voice with the distinct distortion of someone with a voice box issue a relevant question. The voice clearly asked, “Can I help? Can I help and be of service?” My split second reaction was it must be a voice from outside, but as his words continued I realised that, NO! This voice is in the room with us coming from a location which was empty. My client’s first words to me on hearing the voice were,
“You did hear that didn’t you? Tell me you heard that?”
That area of the house had a distinct heavy feel to it and had been a lively area with apparitions. One friend of the client who was decorating had seen some legs ascending an invisible ladder during his work and had been so frightened that he left his tools and paint where they were and had promptly driven home. The heavy atmosphere and the activity ceased following the spirit’s intervention, it was as if the act of kindness, his asking to be of service, the asking to be of help had released the spirit from his earth bound situation. My client was later declared in remission and our shared experience of that vocal spirit volunteer was a strong bond between us until his passing years later.
The pivotal moments in my life with spirit have been many and they have been varied, for me the most major moment is as personal as it is huge. A moment of personal darkness when spirit brought light to a situation created from someone’s total negativity, my emotional healing was so profound and my resultant state of pure meditative calm gave me a manyfold insight into the unconditional loving nature of self, our true potential and the limitless loving involvement of spirit in our lives.
I was seven, living in that converted barn in the 1970’s. A day of accusations and lies had unfolded around me and about me at school. I had realised a teacher was, shall we say, overly interested in the boys in the changing rooms. My intuition was correct and my innocent observation had unleashed to my fragile eyes and ears an unimaginable emotional and psychological hell storm, which culminated with said teacher engineering a plot in which it appeared I had stolen a chocolate bar from a locked desk. Result, my name was mud, my opinion worthless and my parents’ anger at me, particularly my father’s when he returned home, was so incandescent that my mother, father and siblings took a walk in the local woods to calm things down and I was left on my own to “Think about what I had done!”
My candour on the detail of something so personal is important to bring to you the level of loving explanation and complete emotional healing that was so needed for that seven year old child. It came in the form of a female spirit, she appeared to me in my mind’s eye from the window across the two foot thick window ledge, across the room to my bed where I lay. As she merged with my energy field I was instantaneously removed of all my feelings of dread, isolation and loneliness. I was held energetically, all my negativity of the day was present but now unimportant to where my focus now was, I understood that fear wasn’t necessary, she explained that my loving parents where not going to come running back to tell me it was going to be alright. She conveyed thoughts in a whole complex form to me, showing me my parents thinking, along with an unequivocal understanding of the truth. Yes I was right, yes my parents loved me totally, no they didn’t understand and that they wouldn’t understand. At the very moment that my parents had let me down, a spirit who was an embodiment of unconditional, maternal love was picking up the emotional pieces. The Psychoanalyst Jung talks of collective architypes this was the mother Mary in all but name, with her it was ok that my parents had got it wrong. I had believed without question that if I asked someone would come. I believed I had been wronged and the truth would out If I willed it so, that it would be answered but it would on this occasion not be my parents. I remember not accepting this straight away, so she then shared a higher perspective, lifting my vibration and view point so I could see things playing out. She made it crystal clear that I was not alone, I was never alone if I asked for support. All the time she was with me I was being healed, my energies were being balanced so completely and with such ease that I slipped into a deep meditative state and the last thing I remember being told was that in the future my wife would be the one to listen and believe me not my parents. I struggled with this and the implied timescale involved and again in the same way, she lifted me to a higher perspective to reinforce my view of this future truth.
Eventually my parents returned and as my mum entered the room, I snapped out of my meditation and jumped up relaxed and calm which did nothing to aid her belief in my earlier story. I didn’t share my experience of my liaison with a healing spirit as I came out of this utterly relaxed state, I was young and just wanted to be held and believed by my parents, the fact that I wasn’t made my spirit experience more sustaining but also very personal and therefore inevitably it became a secret. We stayed at that school for another three years, the constant threat I apparently represented to the teacher was met by him orchestrating a cycle of relentless emotional undermining and general nastiness which did leave its mark. When we did move on and I found teachers who actually listened to my opinion and looked for value in what I said I felt calm and then I thrived. The spiritual event was put to the back of my mind along with the circumstances surrounding it because I had no one to discuss it with, spirit decided when to remind me of the events only when I was ready to see things clearly from an adults perspective.
I learnt that healing is a balancing of your energies, because you are so much more than you know. The energy that courses through you is a loving thriving vital force. It is expressed as you, a changing fluctuating focus for whatever you choose, tethered to your human form, shaped by your experience. Your love and passion for your life charge your encounters with everyone whose lives you touch; be it a fleeting moment, a passing thought for their value, or a life entwined with another you are passing on a creative loving charge to the universe in each and every moment.
Through my twenties I was growing into a medium and a healer in my spare time and running my late fathers small successful business. At 25 I was engaged to my now wife and I was working and playing hard, I also sat on a circle to develop as a medium and was reading everything and anything related to my own discoveries, looking for examples of my own experiences reflected in esoteric books and scientific books covering forms of quantum energy, the mind body connection, consciousness and philosophy. As I meditated at the time I became aware of my drive for escapism through late night partying with friends and decided I was going to stop this. I had also had a reading in which my late paternal grandfather had told me that I had a mental block about something and I had to let it go to move forward.
I decided to meditate long and hard through the night and asking for guidance. A process controlled by spirit unfolded for me. First a female spirit asked if I was ready to proceed, to which I said I was. Then my energy was raised and something was released and I felt compelled to say out loud that I had never liked secrets, I was aware that old memories had surfaced but I was cautious where to push. Then my late paternal grandfather stepped in to my presence, as he lovingly merged with my energy I was given his memories of that period in my life, his memory and perspective of the barn, us as grandchildren and his emotions and thinking at the time. I also felt the complexities of Grandpa’s father/son relationship with my Dad as then he too stepped forward. I felt my Dad’s perspective too and his memories of our life merged with my Grandpa’s, where the two overlapped I felt a pull, I was empowered and safe for my own memories to come flooding forward with clarity and power, the guilt I had carried as a child and still held as a wrongly accused thief and the injustice I had suffered and the enormity of the wrong done to me hit me hard. The memories flooded forward as a surge of energy, wave after wave of complete scenarios with my viewpoint at the centre. It was overwhelming yet I had asked for this and was ready for it, the total dedication of loving spirit to guide me through the process was equal to it. I felt truly blessed to have been helped in this way and my wife and others did listen as was predicted some 18 years earlier.
That was over twenty years ago, I have used these and others experiences to teach and help others through my life. We are capable of limitless possibilities and the fact that our true spiritual nature is accessible through meditation is an age old truth. My journey is nothing without taking time for peace and quiet contemplation, the more I have learnt from spirit the more I recognise how little I know, Sir Isaac Newton summed it up best,
“I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.”
Newton was an unparalleled scientist, mathematician and secret investigator of alchemy and of the human condition and he had his reasons for his secrecy. It would be understandable for me not to share something so personal, but it would be a mistake because ultimately any experience shared is more valuable and I really don’t like secrets.